My digital camera of about 6 years just broke. I didn't realize I could have feelings for a piece of technology.

mood: remorseful

I am in a good place right now. Everything is falling into place once again, even though I have done barely anything on my transcedentalim project and all of it is due on monday. I am just trying to shut that out of my mind unless it is absolutely nessecary. I also have been able to avoid any form of drama for the past couple of months...thank god, because the drama that went down last year is enough to satisfy me for a lifetime. I am also pretty secure with this whole college process. It may be still sometime until it really gets me overwhelmed, but for now i have taken the SATs and already planned out some college visits in the midwest for spring break. Acedemics as a whole are generally going well too. All this seems to be some how connected with the weather, because as my life is settling back into place so is the weather. Thank god it is spring.

Earlier this week, I have decided to start taking baths at night instead of in the morning, so I could sleep in a little bit longer. I am now strongly opposed to this idea. I woke up in the morning and my hair was sticking up everywhere and i didn't feel clean anymore. I spent the whole day disgusted with myself.

mood: peaceful music: Untitled - Polynation

Ok, I am in france right now awkardly talking with my host brother. just a quick update. but i gotta go before he comes back, i dont know if he knows english

we haven't hugged in a while, have we?

music: red sea - asobi seksu

Everytime I hang out with a friend in college who I never get to see anymore, it gives me hope that the relationships I have made with these people will last.

mood: optimistic music: our streams - hand fed babies

I am back. I want to post again because I feel like some important things go down here that i miss. aka, max's delicious guitar! so i kinda want to do a recap of the past month or so:

This whole month of school has been in anticipation of the french trip. I would not have even been able to get up in the mornings if it wasn't for this trip. Clearly I am excited and I will be sure to write about all my adventures when I go and come back. Anyways, school has kinda been a drag, workload wise, but at the same time I am actually enjoying all the people there. I used to hate people at field and now it has all changed! I am friendly to all these people who I used to turn my back to. Maybe this is putting me in a better mood? I also patched up my relationships with Verity and even Charlie. It makes me feel better, unnessecary agression is not so great. Also my grades shot up. Life is better.

I saw Asobi Seksu a week ago with Max and Ben. It was amazing, during Red Sea/Thursday i closed my eyes and it felt amazing. I can't wait to see them again in March. They are only the opening band, but I am sure as hell paying full price to see them again.

Today I took my SATs in the morning, which is almost unbearble. By section 7 i had lost it. A girl did the whole "jesus/crossing of the arms" thing when we finished the last section. It was that bad.

Oh well, one more week and I will be there!

mood: mellow music: thinking of you - bonnie pink

School is so relaxing, being at home is not.

WTF?

I'm not sure if i want to pursue a relationship with her right now. It's not because I don't want to, it's because I don't want her to be unsatisfied because I may not be myself when I am around her, because at school, I can never be myself. I get the impression that people when people really like me, I dissapoint them and I don't know what to do when I like them back and I don't want them to be disappointed...I mean, I can't really change too much, especially since school has got me stuck in this rut where I come home from sports at 5:30 and then I fall asleep until 9 or 10 and then I wake up and do homework until 1 am. It is really bad for me, but that's just how it is. I am not going anywhere for winter break, so hopefully that will clear out any problems that have been burdening me.

music: Thursday - Asobi Seksu

I'd just like to announce that for me, money is kind of tight right now, because of me going on the french trip. With this, I may have to cut back on weekend expenses, so I may not be able to do all that I want to do on the weekend now. I still want to hang out with people....we just need to do cheaper stuff. Also, all those who I owe money (katie, who i luvvvv...im sorry) I may not be able to pay back right away and I truly apologize. I thank all of those people who have helped me $$ wise and I want to let you know that I haven't forgotten the amount I owe you.

mood: guilty music: Declaration of Dub - The Abyssinians

Open Mic Night makes me feel talentless...


side note: I am going to Rhode Island this weekend for Model UN (yes, I am a nerd) and it should be fun! Except i'm kinda scared because the committee i am in only has 11 other people and they are all going to harshly judge me...and that will suck.

I have lost all ability to sit down and do my homework. Instead, I end up running around the house saying weird things and singing or on the computer wasting away my time.

I think I am slowly slipping into insanity.

Thank god i am getting out of the house this weekend.

mood: crazy music: The Sound - The Rapture

"And people are just people,
They shouldn't make you nervous.
The world is everlasting,
It's coming and it's going.
If you don't toss your plastic,
The streets won't be so plastic.
And if you kiss somebody,
Then both of you'll get practice."

"The world is everlasting
Put dirtballs in your pocket,
Put dirtballs in your pocket,
And take off both your shoes.
'Cause people are just people,
People are just people,
People are just people like you.
People are just people,
People are just people,
People are just people like you."

I always thought that Field was loosing it's creativity, but it was just another realization of that today when we had our activities fair. Claire and I have started an art club at our school because we assumed that a healthy number of people at a liberal arts high school in DC would have some sort of intrest in the arts, but apparently very few do. I am not sure the exact number of people who joined our club, but it was not very many. Many people came up to the table because other people coaxed them into doing it and when they came up to talk to me they flat out said that they didn't like art.

It is very disappointing to put your faith in a group of people who you have a hard time putting your faith into anyways and basically get shut down.

mood: disappointed music: Man Next Door - Massive Attack

Will having a religious tutor make religion appealing to me?

I went to Chincoteague this weekend and it was kind of depressing. I haven't been there since I was little and it's alot more run down than I remember. The best part of the trip was listening to white trash talk about fine dining. That's about it...

the first day of school was hard. i liked my teachers, but student wise it is just hard. i feel really uncomfortable at school and the people i have hoped to rely on this year are alot less reliable than i had immagined. maybe i am being selfish, but i really hope these people support me.

I went to the Shakira concert this past tuesday and she has been a celebrity I have always wanted to meet, along with others. In the momment I really want to meet these people, but when you think about it, it won't be as great as you think. Personally, I have not met any celebrities, but even so I don't think there is any point to it. Not that the celebrities will not be nice, but honestly what does it matter to them. They meet so many people every day that even if they do meet you they will forget about you 5 minutes later. I always immagined that when I was to meet a celebrity I would do something so unique that they would be like, "wow! I really wanted to get to know that kid better" but no, it's probably all be done before. There probably isn't anything original that I could do to get Shakira's personal attetion or any other celebrity for that matter.

1 night...two friends...1 colombian superstar

things should get interesting

mood: giddy music: ojos asi - shakira

things are lookin up! I am not so concerned about things anymore...i also have more time to think at home. I can't wait for school/work to start. I am really bored.

mood: hopeful music: Assise - Camille

this is for saku (ginny)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvS6tXbBmO0